if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
