And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i need some magic done to my vagina
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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