so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
