At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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