There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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