i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is it penis luge time yet?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
