I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
