i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
