I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
