I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
