I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
