Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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