I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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