I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
