You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i now understand why vodka
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
