i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
