so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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