Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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