Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Randomize
