Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
