A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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