no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
