just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
