dude i'm inner monologue high
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
