i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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