have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
