Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
