I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
