Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my phone needs a breathalizer
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
