You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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