i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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