Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
