If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
