i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
where are my eyebrows?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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