I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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