i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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