Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
