I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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