i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I die, sorry about rent.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
