names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
