How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
