Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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