I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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