we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
