Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
