You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
