im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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