There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
