Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
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No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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