i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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