I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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